What’s the difference between a good kid and a good kid?The most common mistake of “highly informed” parents lies in their prejudice and misreading of education

2022-05-19 0 By

Recently, a video of a mother with a master’s degree teasing her son as a “poor student” has gone viral on Weibo.The mother in the video said that she and her husband both have master’s degrees from 985 University, but their son is a “poor student” with excellent education conditions.The video has sparked heated discussion among netizens.In recent years, similar “gao Zhi” parents to their children’s performance is not ideal helpless ridicule frequently seen in the network.In the opinion of many family education experts, although many parents are accustomed to use learning to measure the good or bad of their children, but it is not desirable to publicly mock their children’s poor grades. For those highly educated parents, instead of struggling with why their children do not “inherit” the advantages, it is better to learn how to accept ordinary children and look at them from a new perspective.The mother in the video is hoarse and helpless.She said that she and her husband are “985” university master’s degree, after graduation through talent introduction settled in Beijing.His father accompanied his son to do his homework every day from the first grade in primary school.As a result, now in senior three, the child has become an “underachiever” who hates studying.I don’t care if I don’t study well, but my son is still a “bar demon” who wants to take care of everything.At the end of the video, the mother admits that her biggest wish now is for her baby to be safe and healthy.A professor from a well-known university in Shanghai also shared the same confusion on the Internet.When his son was very young, the professor had great hopes for him to be admitted to the university where he taught.But unexpectedly, in his eyes easy things, his son to practice but “difficult as heaven.”Later, the professor admitted that the biggest mistake he had made was to ignore his son’s needs and impose his own values on his son.Later, when he lost his “obsession”, his son fell in love with learning and won a place at London Business School.”I am a university professor and doctoral supervisor.I always thought I would be a better parent than my mother with primary school education, but I found out I wasn’t.”Zhang Xiaoqiang, a professor at Chongqing University, also admitted on social media that he found it difficult to guide his daughter in her studies after she entered junior high school. “Not only can I not solve math problems, but I can’t do Chinese and English correctly…My biggest problem with my daughter was that she didn’t accept my guidance as an adolescent.”Being a parent brings joys and sorrows together.Similar “gao Zhi” parents of fancy ridicule, caused a lot of resonance on the Internet.According to He Lingfeng, a professor at Shanghai University of Sport and a member of the Ministry of Education’s college psychology Teaching Steering Committee, it is a misconception that children with well-educated parents will not be too bad.”There is a saying in genetics called ‘mean reversion’, which says that the better the parents are at something, the more likely the children are to be at something less.Moreover, psychological research on intelligence shows that only about 50 percent of a child’s intelligence is influenced by parents’ genetics, while the rest is influenced by the acquired environment.”It’s quite normal for the children of ‘high achievers’ to be average academically.”He lingfeng said.The problem is that many parents, especially those with higher education, tend to have higher expectations for their children’s study, but the education methods they advocate may not be correct.”After the ‘double reduction’, there was a large-scale survey of parents in Shanghai, and the result showed that nearly 20 percent of parents wanted their children to be in the top 5 percent of the class.That in itself is another cognitive myth.”He Lingfeng pointed out.Faced with the constant growth of children, even as “highly knowledgeable” parents, they are also prone to fall into similar parenting mistakes.Zhang Yibin, an associate professor at Shanghai Open University who has long studied family education, found the problem in the mother’s few words in the video.”My father did homework from the first grade to the third grade, but my son’s academic performance was still not satisfactory.In fact, the main body of homework is always the child.”In the early years, children may need parents to do homework with them to help develop good study habits, but as children get older, especially in adolescence, parents need to learn to let go.”Zhang Yibin analyzed that children’s learning depends not only on IQ, but also motivation.All kinds of learning methods are actually to enhance children’s motivation to learn, trigger interest in learning, so as to form the ability to learn voluntarily.Excessive supervision, replacement, not only depressed the child’s personalized growth, but also easy to cause children to parents or rebellious or “lie flat” emotions.”What this mother sees as’ pushiness ‘is actually part of teenage development.Will ‘bar’ that the child grew up, began to have independent thinking, ‘bar’ can effectively stimulate the development of the child’s thinking, which is not only the process of the child’s self-awareness awakening, but also the opportunity for the child to show themselves and develop thinking ability.Parents should not assume that their children are rebellious or try to suppress their children’s behavior through strong psychological control.”Content with ordinary is another kind of success after watching the video, many parents have resonance, but also have concerns.”What children crave most, no matter how old they are, is unconditional love and acceptance from their parents.If a child sees a child as an underachiever, it can be psychologically damaging.Many on Weibo expressed similar views.How can we let “high knowledge” parents accept their children’s ordinary?According to He, the first step is to change parents’ perception: “No matter how good you are, you should understand and accept that your child is most likely just an ordinary person.In today’s pluralistic society, we should not only look at achievements, but also learn to pluralistic evaluation.If a child can settle for an ordinary life and grow up healthy and happy, it is also a successful life.”Professor Lee Mi-jin, an expert on family education, has mentioned her child many times in her lectures, saying, My daughter is not a good student. When she was in middle school, she did badly in math. She got 15 points out of 150 on the test paper.I jokingly said your math weakness was in your father’s genes.”Li said her parenting philosophy is that she would rather her child did not go to a famous university than have a healthy and sunny mind.So instead of pushing her daughter into math, she helped her find other interests, until she discovered her daughter’s musical talent.Later, her daughter went to college and became a mediocre music teacher.”The truth is that some people are born to read, while others have little success despite their efforts.Whether it is a ‘high achiever’ or a ‘low achiever’, every child is a unique individual in the world.Parenting doesn’t have to be about one thing.Sometimes when you change your perspective, you often find a different side of your child that shines.”Zhang yibin said that rather than complaining about why children are not like themselves, it is better to create a good environment for children to grow up, through parents’ demonstration, encouragement and guidance, so that children learn to calmly face the success and failure of life.Wangxing statement: this article copyright belongs to the original author, if there is a source error or infringement of your legitimate rights and interests, you can contact us through the mailbox, we will promptly deal with.Email address: jpbl@jp.jiupainews.com